It's not time yet, Benjamin
by nightdancer342
Summary: The life of Benjamin Linus. A Story of the events that led him to his path of destruction and corruption. Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it!
1. It's not time yet, Benjamin

Time stopped for an instant. In that moment, images of his short life flashed before his eyes like shuffling cards. It was after this happened, that reality set in, and he realized, _I'm dying_. The sight of Sayid holding the gun, began to fade and the pain brought him to his knees. His focus went to the ground and his body followed. Falling, falling, into a black chasm that would never end. His stomach felt in knots, struggling to take a breath. From the speed he was going, it was impossible. _Please…Stop…please…_

And it did.

Bright sunshine was beaming, brighter than he had ever seen. Ben was running through the brushes near the barracks. Annie was in pursuit. The wind fluttered his hair, and he ran, with the speed of a wild hare, nothing able to touch him because he was going so fast. "Ben! I'm going to catch you!" Annie yelled. His heart raced from the run, slowing him down, to collapse in the field, laughing as Annie caught up to him, falling on top of him. They both giggled, lying side by side now, rolling onto their backs to look at the brilliant blue sky and look at the clouds. "That was fun." He commented, catching his breath from the race. Annie turned her head to look at him, her sweet smile on her face warmed him whenever it was directed at him. "You're going to be my best friend, forever."

Suddenly pain in his ribs began to overtake his vision, Annie faded. Ben gasped, opening his eyes. It was cold and dark. The taste of blood was in his mouth, and he coughed, choking from the metallic taste it left. He was lying on his stomach, face down on the ground. He lifted his head, feeling weak. In the distance he saw a man laying there… Memory of what had happened, returned to him slowly as if a puzzle was trying to find it's rightful place. Ben had stolen his father's janitor keys, and he had decided to release the hostel locked away in the cell in the security room. They hadn't gotten very far before a van had driven up, one of the workmen, or a security officer perhaps. From the shrubbery, Ben had witnessed Sayid flip the man over. It had been pretty cool until Sayid lifted the gun to Ben, and pulled the trigger. He grimaced from the pain, feeling icy and drowsy. Ben knew that he had to get help. Slowly, he pulled himself, trying to crawl toward the man, in the last desperate chance for life, he had to get to him. Even though in reality, he wasn't…The man seemed so far away. Ben held his breath, gritting his teeth as he crawled nearer, trying to ignore the horrible throbbing from the wound in his chest. Tears rolled down his eyes, as he struggled to remain conscious. As he struggled not to let the pain overtake him. He nearly was to the man, and he cried out. Unable to go any farther. Dots circled in his vision. "Help…help me…" He whispered weakly. Darkness overtook him again, as he laid down his head in the muddy ground, unable to find the strength within himself to hold it up any loner.

He was roughly pushed inside the house, he stumbled, trying to catch his balance. Suddenly, Roger grabbed his arm, twisting him around to face him. His father looked at him with hatred, the kind of look that clearly said that he wished Ben had died, not his mother on the day he was born. His father's teeth were gritted, his sandy hair falling into his eyes as he glared down at Ben with accusation. "You're giving sandwiches to the bastards that shot at me? Huh?" Roger shook Ben, his rough hold made Ben gasp in pain, tears falling effortlessly from his eyes as he avoided eye contact. Ben stared hard down at his shoes. He wished he could escape. To be anywhere would be better than here. It had to be. "I bet you think it's funny, don't you?" Ben could hardly hear his father's voice as he tried to detach himself from the situation. As Roger continued to rave at him, he thought of how he could live with Richard Alpert... Maybe he would find his mother then. He would have time to search for her if he was there, out in the jungle. She would love him. She would take care of him, and he would never have to see his father again. "Look at me Ben! Look at me when I'm talking to you!" A strong hand grabbed Ben's chin, forcing his head up. He met his father's grey eyes as they glowered at him. "Say it, Ben. SAY IT." Roger shouted. Say it? Say what? Ben wondered. Suddenly a swift smack to his face surprised him, leaving him standing there in shock as his glasses fell to the ground. Roger bent down, seizing his glasses. He snapped them in half, breaking them. "You do it again Ben," Roger bent down to his level, grabbing the front of his shirt pulling him closer, waving the broken glasses in his face. "This is what's going to happen to your arm." Roger shoved him backward, throwing the glasses at him as he stormed out of the house. Ben sunk to the ground, crying. He looked up at his mother's picture that was suspended on the wall before him. "Help me, mom...Help me."

Ben groaned as he was pulled over, "Help me..." He whispered. It was so cold... so cold...and dark... His side hurt...It was throbbing, as if his heart was there. He closed his eyes, letting darkness engulf him once more. He could feel himself being lifted up... Was this what it felt like to die? He choked slightly, struggling to breathe. Ben could feel himself being laid back down. His eyes fluttered open to see a figure standing over him. He couldn't see it's face. "Benjamin..." It was his mother. She was over him, stroking his hair. She smiled at him sadly, inspecting his face. "Mom?" Ben asked weakly, in disbelief. "Yes, Benjamin. It's me." She said, grabbing his hand. "I...I want to go with you." His mother shushed him, brushing his hair back from his face. "It's not time yet, Benjamin."


	2. Mom?

The lights were bright, like orbs they shined through his closed eyelids. A monitor was beeping continuously. Ben's eyes fluttered open, seeing a dazzling white ceiling above him. He was lying in a bed, feeling extremely numb. The tubes inserted into his nose had an odd plastic smell to them which turned his stomach. Ben tried to move, his arm seemed to be connected to some sort of needle. Suddenly, a figure was over him, a blond woman. Ben blinked, his eyesight was blurry without his glasses. "M-mom?" He murmured, his voice sounded far away. The woman touched his forehead, sweeping his hair out of his eyes. "Hi there, Ben." His eyes focused somewhat on the woman above him, it wasn't his mother. "Who…are you?" Ben slurred, his mind working slowly. "It's Juliet. I'm taking care of you." The woman said, her blue eyes blinked. He realized suddenly that she must be some sort of doctor or nurse. He was lying in a hospital. Ben inhaled sharply, just from speaking, his throat began to feel compressed, his breathing becoming labored. He choked, his chest hurting as he did so. The woman quickly brought a napkin up to his mouth, as he coughed into it, heavily, feeling as if he was almost choking up his insides. When he finished, she pulled it away, and he managed to see that there was a pool of red blood on it. When Ben saw that, he began to feel panicked. He wheezed slightly from fright, that definitely wasn't normal. . . "Just settle down, Ben." The woman said sternly. Though she seemed somewhat concerned, there was also a mixture of separation and formality in her voice as if she didn't want to get to close. Ben realized that he had really messed up. The regret was making him become overwhelmed with sorrow. Tears entered his blue eyes, streaming down his face. Why would the Hostile shoot him? It had been his only chance to escape from his father, from his miserable life at the Dharma Initiative. They, apparently, didn't want him either. No one wanted him. Everyone was always leaving him, abandoning him. He was a fool to believe that they would ever want him either. Maybe his mother wouldn't even want him either… Maybe that was why she had walked away from him four years ago. Maybe she too, blamed him for her death.

"Ben…? Honey…It's alright. You're going to be fine." Juliet was looking at him with pity, a little more emotion entering her voice. Ben suddenly sobbed, his misery overtaking him. No one would even care if he died. No one would even notice. He wished that he had never been born. The doctor or nurse disappeared over him. Ben closed his eyes, tears making their way down his face in their set path. He opened his eyes as he felt someone grab his arm. It was Juliet again, she was holding a needle, about to stick him in the wrist with it. Ben pulled back instinctively. "Ben, Don't move. This won't hurt at all… It will just help you go back to sleep, alright?" Ben relaxed in her hold, as she inserted the needle. It pricked him, but he didn't react. His lids became heavy, and he closed his eyes, returning to a deep slumber.

In Portland, Oregon, he had lived in several different apartments. Each one seemed to become more shabby than the next. His father sat on the saggy brown couch flipping through the advertisement pages of the newspaper, as a seven year old Ben sat on the beige carpeted floor playing with a few building blocks, organizing them in different ways. Roger sighed, getting up from the couch, folding the newspaper, and striding over to the phone on the wall. He picked up the receiver, and looked at Ben, pointing a finger at him, "You be quiet while I'm on the phone, you hear me? Don't even move." His tone left an ominous 'or else' feel to it. Ben nodded shyly, swallowing, hardly daring to breathe, as his father dialed the number on the page he had tabbed. "Hi…Yeah…I saw your ad in the paper. Are you hiring? …Oh…Really? Uh, Yeah, I've done some…" Ben lost interest in the one sided conversation that his father was having, and placed his concentration back on his building blocks. Ben stacked them, trying to create a house. As the time passed, Ben's mind went to the cookies that he knew were located on the top shelf in the kitchen. Ben considered asking his dad to get one for him. He glanced up at his father, who was not looking. He was too busy chatting to the employer, giving his credentials. There was no telling how long he would be on the phone. Sometimes this sort of thing took (What felt like) hours, and he knew there was no way he was going to get a cookie before dinner.

So, Ben decided to take things into his own hands. Quietly, he snuck into the next room where the kitchen was. Ben examined his options… There was a counter below the row of shelves. He would have to get onto the counter first. He grabbed a chair from the kitchen table, and pulled it over to the counter, and climbed on top of it, pulling himself onto the counter. He stood, carefully, and tried to reach the jar. It was still out of his reach, by only a few inches. Ben grabbed onto the shelf below it, that held the dishes. Leaning his weight on it, he tried to rise up to reach the jar, it was almost going to work, until the shelf collapsed with a loud crash, sending the pile of glass dishes to the floor. Ben jumped aside, his reflexes saving him from falling off with the set of dishes. A loud cursing from the other room, made Ben cringe. Suddenly remembering his father's warnings, he became fearful. His eyes began to fill with tears, the dread of what would await him made him begin to shake. The door to the kitchen swung open with the force of a bull as his dad charged in, his face red and his hair falling into his face. He looked with disbelief at the mess that was in front of him. It was unbelievable that one kid could create such a disaster. "What the HELL are you doing, Ben? I thought I told you to stay put." Roger grabbed Ben, pulling him down from the counter. Ben began to cry as his father surveyed the mess. "Great! Just what I need, Ben. Thanks a lot." Roger tutted, sighing with annoyance, as he kicked some of the broken plates with his shoe. Ben gasped, putting his hands to his face in shame.

"What the hell are you bawling about? I'm the one who has to clean this mess up. Go on to bed. You're not getting dinner." As Ben fled the room, he could hear his father still cursing, the plate pieces clattering as he threw them in a bag. He pulled the covers over his head, and closed his eyes tightly, wishing that the noise would end.


	3. Chosen

The jungle passed by quickly as Ben ran with every ounce of speed that he could. Panting, the adrenaline that pumped through him kept him going. Something was in pursuit of him and there was no where he could hide. Ben looked behind him as he ran, glancing back into the darkness trying to see if the danger was still behind him. Suddenly, he was falling. He grunted with the impact of meeting the ground. In the blackness he hadn't seen the tree root that had tripped him up. Ben didn't move. There was an uneasy silence. The only sound that could be heard was his own unsteady breathing.

Relaxing, slightly, he pulled himself up to sit. He brushed off the dirt as best as he could, standing up feeling stunned. Ben closed his eyes, grabbing a tree to lean on for support. He felt exhausted, as he tried to catch his breath. A flash of movement in his peripheral vision made him stiffen in fear. He was the proverbial deer in the forest, innocence hunted by the great predator. Unable to resist, he turned slowly to see his pursuer… A frightening voice rasped inside his mind. "_Benjamin, I need you_."

Benjamin started awake, his dream quickly fading into oblivion as if he had never had it, He was lying inside a tent, on a cot, covered with a blanket. Ben all at once felt a feeling of safety and calmness come over him, as if he were protected by some great light, a force field that no evil would be able to penetrate.

Noises such as birds and people murmuring outside could be heard, as if there were activity somewhere unseen. Daylight flooded through the canvas. There was a dull ache in his side, that stung if he dared move, but curiosity took the better of him. Ben sucked it up and grimaced slightly from his injuries as he pulled himself up just enough to take a look around from where he lay. He wondered vaguely who the tent belonged to. There was a chair nearby, and a small table with papers and notebooks on it.

Not seeing much else, Ben laid back down with a groan, trying to remember how he had gotten to be there. Moments later, as if to answer his questions. the entry to the tent was pulled back and a dark haired man entered. Ben quickly turned his head to see the visitor. He looked familiar, very familiar. Pausing for a moment, testing his voice, he whispered, "…Richard?" The dark eyed man smiled, his face was warm, as he approached, taking a seat in the chair.

"Hello, Ben. Glad to see you're finally awake. How are you feeling?" Richard asked. Ben gave him a small smile in return, "I'm fine." There was a silence for a moment. Richard looked at him, a hint of pity was in his expression as if there were some things that he regretted.

Ben watched him, wondering what he was thinking. "Richard?" Ben asked cautiously. "How did I get here?" He said slowly.

Richard's smile returned once again at Ben's question, and he blinked, shaking his head. "Some of the members of the Dharma Initiative brought you here to me. You were injured, and they asked for my help to make you better."

Ben frowned, feeling confused. "How was I injured, Richard?"

Richard bit his bottom lip, shrugging. "I'm not sure. I suppose you can ask the Dharma Initiative, when you go back there."

This wasn't what Ben wanted to hear. Emotion flooded through him at the thought of having to return home to his father who loathed him. "Go back? I don't want to go back Richard! I want to stay here!" Ben cried out.

Richard put a hand on his shoulder, not wanting him to get worked up. "Ben… Try to understand this… It's only for your safety. You're one of us now, and nothing is going to change that. But for the time being, you can't stay here."

Tears filled Ben's eyes at the unfairness of it all. "_Why_?" He asked, his voice breaking.

Richard gave him a look of sympathy, leaning forward to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Because…" Richard paused, as if he were trying to choose his words carefully. "Because, This is what Jacob wants. Jacob is our leader, Ben. He is a great man and he knows many things, and if you don't go back when the time comes Ben…" He stopped at once, as if fearful of saying something he didn't want to.

Ben blinked, clearing his teary eyes. Richard sighed, "I'm sorry, Ben. This is just the way it has to be, for now. I would like nothing better than to have you stay here with us, but it isn't up to me. Don't worry, Ben… This will all change, someday. Now just rest, our leader will be here shortly, and I'm sure he'll want to speak to you." Richard left then, and Ben lay alone in the confines of the tent, staring at the canvas ceiling above him. He would be seeing the leader later, and he would be able to tell him that he didn't want to go back, that he wanted to stay at the camp with the hostiles. His thoughts became muddled as he sunk into sleep.

Ben entered the house at the barracks, holding his first birthday present he had ever received. His friend Annie, was leaving in the morning on the submarine to Ann Arbor and had gifted him a thoughtful present in order for them to feel like they would be together forever. Ben, of course knew, that he would probably never see his best friend again. Living with his father, Roger, it was only natural that his pessimistic reality of life would pass on to his son. The house was dimmed, and Ben saw his father, lying on the couch still in his janitor uniform, completely wasted. A can of beer barely suspended in his left hand that dangled off the side. Ben approached, setting the present on the coffee table littered with empty cans of beer. Quietly, Ben came to his father and took the half full beer can and set it down on the table so that he wouldn't spill it. He knew his father would be unhappy to try to remove a stain from the carpet. In attempt to make him more comfortable, Ben tugged at a shoe, pulling it from his foot. Ben backed off humbly when his father snorted to life, his heavy eyes opening blinking, recognition entering his features. His father's eyes went down to the gift on the table.

"It's your birthday. Sorry I forgot." Roger said, his voice slurred from the alcohol. Ben blinked, staring down at his shoes modestly. Roger continued, "It's kind of hard to celebrate on the day you killed your mom." Ben glanced up in surprise. He had never heard this story before. "She was only seven months pregnant, we went for a hike… But _you_-" Roger eyed Ben with distaste, "-had to come early." Ben blinked away the tears that were forming in his eyes. "Now she's gone, and I'm stuck here on this island with you." Roger settled back on the brown and yellow couch. He shut his eyes, heaving a sigh. "Happy birthday, Ben." He said unhappily.

Unable to stay his tears, Ben tore out of the house, and ran as fast as he could. He didn't care where he went, or what happened. He only wanted to get away. Trees passed him quickly as he fled into the jungle. His tears fell freely as he ran, his mind working on the words that his father had said. It suddenly occurred to Ben that he now knew the reason why his father despised him so much. Ben never could understand the resentment until now. He didn't want to kill his mother, he hadn't had a choice, he never wanted her dead. It wasn't his fault was it? Ben wished desperately that he could have died, and she could've lived. Why was life so unfair? Why did everyone hate him? He didn't mean to do anything. "_I need you mom!" _He thought desperately.

Suddenly the jungle broke apart, and he was in a clearing. He stopped as he saw the pylons that he recognized from the orientation video he had watched the first day he had come to the island. What had Doctor Chang said about the fence? It was protecting them from wild life? Ben suddenly felt small and defenseless as if there were eyes on him that were studying or judging him. Unseen whispers surrounded him, they were unintelligible like a room full of people that were all talking at once. As his fear heightened, A man's voice laughed at him, at his vulnerability.

Ben searched the skies, and the tree tops of the jungle from across the line. "_I'm scared_." He thought over and over again. "_I'm scared mom_."

There was an eerie silence as the whispers ceased. Ben felt a presence before him and his eyes lowered. To his surprise, There his mother stood, on the opposite side of the pylons. Standing no more than ten feet away from him, in a blue dress, barefoot, her long blond hair reaching waist length…She was just as she had appeared in the only photograph he had of her. She had been standing outside of his room window too. Just looking at him. Ben had wondered if he had imagined it, but now he knew that he hadn't. The only thing he wanted was to go for her. She would save him, she had to know that he never wanted to kill her. She had to love him. She _had_ to. Ben began to run to her, but she put up her hand and exclaimed, "Ben- Don't!" Ben halted, his tears beginning again. Didn't she want him either? "Mom!" He cried out in anguish. He wanted to tell her many things, but he couldn't.

His mother merely shook her head. "It's not time yet, Benjamin." With that, she turned, and walked away, disappearing into the jungle.

"Are you _completely insane_, Richard?" Charles exclaimed angrily as he paced back and forth in his tent. Everyone was asleep, and this was the only chance to show in private his extreme discontent with Richard's decision to bring Benjamin Linus to the camp. He had spoken to the boy earlier the same day, and had informed him that he would be returning to Dharma shortly. "Bringing him here? Even after you know what he _is_?" Charles slammed his fist down on his table. "What were you thinking?"

Richard looked down, obviously not enjoying the conversation and disagreeing with Charles Widmore's opinion. "The boy has free will, just like the rest of us." Richard said calmly.

Charles threw up his hands in exasperation with Richard's coolness. "The boy is also corruptible, just like the rest of us! You don't think he'll be given a fair bargain? The boy has been _chosen_!" He shouted.

"He wants to be one of us, he made that decision on his own. If he chooses to change, he will. Jacob knows this, and he wants-" Richard was cut off.

"This wasn't Jacob's idea; It was _yours_, Richard. You really think I would be stupid enough to believe that Jacob would knowledgeably let _this_…this _monster?!_-"

Eloise entered the tent, wearing a light blue robe over her dressing gown. "What is going on?" She hissed. Her blond hair was pinned up as she wore it when she slept. The two men fell silent at her sudden appearance. Eloise eyed the both of them, waiting for one of them to speak. "Charles?" Eloise said expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

Richard spoke instead, "It's about Ben. Charles believes it was a mistake to bring him here, because… _he_ chose him."

Eloise tutted, "A Mistake? The mistake would be _not_ bringing him here."

Charles scowled at the fact that he was now outnumbered in his opinion. "And why is that, Ellie? One day, that boy will be the downfall of everyone here! You can see his path, can't you? You certainly should know-"

Eloise interrupted him, "What I _know_, Charles, is that if this boy would have died, someone else would have been chosen. Then our problems would truly begin, because we would have no idea who it might be." Eloise stated firmly. Richard nodded in agreement, which only made Charles more agitated. He would not admit defeat.

"So, we are just suppose to keep the child here, and let him do whatever it is he wants? If his destiny is to kill Jacob, perhaps we should just march him over there now and let him be done with it." Charles said sarcastically.

Eloise rolled her eyes. For all the time she had known Charles Widmore, she had known him to be the most stubborn, pig-headed man she had ever met. But within that loathing for one another's view points and opinions, bloomed an odd relationship that couldn't be classified as a normal one. "Don't be ridiculous. His path isn't written in stone. Free will means that, if he chooses, he can become whatever he wants to." Eloise replied.

"That's right." Richard added. "Ben said that he wanted to become one of us. I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt, and a chance to redeem himself."

Charles sniffed. "He only said that because he doesn't want to live with the Dharma Initiative. He told me that earlier. He has lived with them for four years, and decided he wants something better. He has no loyalties, Richard. Not to them, and not to us. One day the both of you will find out that I'm right."

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry about the formatting, it seems to get a little messy after I upload it on here, but in the future I'll edit it on the site and fix some of the spacing. This wasn't really meant to become a story, as it had just been something I happened to write one day while I was bored, but I'm having fun with it. So, More chapters coming soon!


	4. Flight

Ben was awakened in the middle of the night by a figure hovering over him. "Richard?" He asked sleepily, trying to focus his blurry vision and rouse his senses. "Shh." Was the reply he received before he was scooped up by the man. Ben grimaced as the sudden movement gave his side a twinge of pain. "What are-?" Ben was cut off. "I said be quiet!" The voice hissed in his ear, this time, Ben recognized the voice, it wasn't Richard Alpert, it was Charles Widmore. As they emerged from the tent, the moonlit brightened the scene, and even without his glasses, Ben knew that it indeed was Charles Widmore.

There was a sense of chaos, everyone was packing up things and bustling around. Ben looked around in confusion. The Hostiles appeared to be leaving, they were folding up the rest of the tents. "What's going on? Where's Richard?" Ben asked helplessly from Widmore's arms. "He isn't here. He's gone. Your people are in our territory…Someone found out where we are, so we have to leave. And _you_, I'm taking back to them." Charles answered shortly. "Where did he go? Where is everyone going?" Ben questioned desperately. He received no reply. Charles whistled, and his horse approached. Swiftly, Ben was thrown on it's back, and Charles climbed up behind him, grabbing the reins, he nudged the steed in it's ribs and it took off at a gallop. Ben gasped and grabbed on to it's neck for dear life as the horse started off suddenly. The trees seemed to fly by, as the horse ran at full speed ahead, tearing through the darkness as if it knew exactly where it was going. The motion of the horse went to one of smoothness, as if it's hoofs weren't even hitting the ground because it was going so quickly. Ben still clung on, too fearful to dare loosen his grip.

After nearly fifteen minutes of this frightening ride through the darkness, Ben relaxed some, actually enjoying the wind in his hair as they flew through the path through the jungle. Before he could enjoy himself too much, Ben gritted his teeth, grabbing the neck of the horse again, as he halted abruptly, skidding to a halt and whinnying as Charles Widmore pulled the reins, hard. Ben nearly felt as if he would go airborne over the horse, but it was lucky that he didn't when he opened his eyes that he had shut tightly in fear, to see that they had come to an edge of a cliff. The horse began to get fussy and uneasy. It reared. Charles Widmore quickly slid off to calm him down, grabbing on his harness and telling him to quiet down. Ben nearly felt as if he would fall off without the extra support of having the man behind him. When he quieted the horse, Charles came back to Ben. "Come on." Widmore grabbed Ben, picking him up and off the horse. Ben couldn't have been happier. Charles looked around urgently and Ben could sense anxiety in the man. He knew better than to ask why they had stopped as he knew Charles wouldn't answer anyway. Ben strained to see in the dark, but without his glasses, it was impossible to make much out except for shapes of the trees. The horse nervously pranced in place, snorting and shaking it's head. Ben felt as if eyes were on him, watching him somewhere unseen. Charles looked down at Benjamin, a glimmer of fear entering his eyes. "What's going on?" Ben whispered, feeling frightened and instinctively drawing closer to Widmore. "Danger." Charles replied, grabbing onto Ben's shoulder. "It's here because of _you_." Seizing Benjamin, Charles pulled him around to face him. "I told Richard it was dangerous. You're nothing but a bad omen. You'll bring death and destruction to everyone around you. It's who you are…What you are." Ben shrunk back at his biting words. He couldn't understand why he was being treated this way. "I would kill you and be done with you if I could, but it would be morally wrong to kill one of my own… But then again, you'll never be one of us." Charles Widmore's eyes flashed as he grabbed Ben, a madness entering his eyes as he pulled him over to the cliff edge. "Of course, if it looked like an accident…" Ben struggled, realizing what the man was trying to do. "No- Stop!" Gasping in pain from the wound on his side, he clung tightly onto Widmore who was prying him off to let him over the edge. Struggling for several minutes like this, made Widmore's frustration increase, and Ben was beginning to lose stamina. 'Help me, please, help me!' Ben thought desperately over and over. Widmore grabbed the boy's face, trying to suffocate him as an alternative plan. Ben squirmed wildly, and broke free of the man's grasp and pushed his grabbing hands away. "Come back here, boy!" Charles yelled, falling forward. Running as fast as he could, Ben fled into the dark jungle, the adrenaline pumped through him, giving him the strength to continue. He knew Charles Widmore was pursuing him and survival was his only instinct.

He ran and ran for what seemed like forever, fear of capture was the only thing that kept him going. Sudden déjà vu hit him as he tore through the trees. . . Hadn't he done this before? It seemed as if he were reliving something he had already experienced. Suddenly, Ben fell, his mind worked ten times faster as the world moved as if in slow motion as he made his descent, tripping over the tree root as he knew he would. He grunted from the collision with the jungle floor. He lay still for a few moments, breathing heavily. Exhaustion and confusion swept over him, as the intense pain from his injury returned to him. A crackling of leaves came to his attention and Ben pushed himself up doubled over, trying to balance himself so he wouldn't stagger. He didn't dare breathe. He remembered this… So, What happened next? He wondered, gazing around in the pitch dark, straining to see any sign of movement.

Whispers began to surround him, becoming louder and louder. all talking at once coming from all around him. Ben moved backward, frightened of these unseen voices that were trying to communicate to him. He turned in circles trying to find the source, he looked up at the tree tops where they seemed to be coming. Suddenly, a voice whispered in his ear, "Benjamin, I need you."

Frightened, Ben staggered backward, not seeing the large hill behind him, he lost his footing and fell, rolling down the hill side. The hill broke off and he rolled onto the hard ground, the impact knocked the wind out of him. Not letting that slow him down, He jumped up quickly, terrified. Suddenly, a bright flash of light went over him. He shielded his eyes, walking backward into a tree, blinded. This was it. His life was over. Ben sunk to the ground, his strength failing, feeling faint and overwhelmed from the pain. The last thing he remembered was a figure pulling him over, before he fell into blackness.


	5. A Change to Come?

The jostling of a car awakened Ben, and he woke confused, lying on a blanket in the back of the VW, staring at the dark ceiling of the van. He lifted his head slightly, peering at the driver who was in a Dharma uniform, He didn't wish it to be known that he had awakened, so he laid back down, closing his eyes trying to remember the last thing that had happened to him.

The bright light had taken him by surprise, and he had fallen backward in fear, weakened by his injuries his strength had failed him. Ben only remembered an outline of a figure approaching in the blinding light . . . Now, He realized that the light must have been headlights from the van. The van came to a halt, it's engine rumbling on, as the driver leapt out. Ben, feeling awake and alert, sat up to see where they were at. The pylons stood in a line, even in the darkness, he could make out their form, and the driver's silhouette punching in the code. Lying back down, he pretended to sleep, as the driver returned to the car.

"Yes Horace, I'm bringing him in." Said the man into his walkie, Ben recognized the voice to be one of the lazy security workers called Jerry. Horace replied that he would be waiting, and Ben opened his eyes, again looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought as he was lightly jostled by the soft bumps that the car rolled over.

He was going home.

The thought depressed him, as he wondered how his father would react. He would probably be angry with him. After all, he didn't take kindly to him running off the last time, four years ago when he had met Richard. Apparently, he had been captured on the security cameras and had been bawled out when he had returned shortly after his little adventure.

Ben was quite sure that his father would be extremely unhappy to hear that he had been staying with the hostiles for the last week. Maybe he was better off though. After all, that Charles Widmore had attempted to strangle him, hadn't he? Maybe he would be unwanted no matter where he was . . .

The brakes whined as the car came to a stop, the engine cut out as Jerry pulled out his keys. Ben closed his eyes again. He wasn't sure why he didn't want them to know he was awake. Perhaps merely to avoid the questions and the frightened looks he might receive. Yes, It was easier to deal with it this way.

The side door slid open and light poured in.

"Oh my god, it is him." Horace Goodspeed's voice said. "Is he alright? Where did you find him?"

"He was in hostile territory. We actually stumbled upon him, he seemed to be wandering around." Jerry replied.

"Well, is he alright?" Goodspeed repeated.

"He seems to be in better health than expected. Though, he's exhausted and weak. And he seems to have some minor bruising..."

"Did you find...them?"

"No, it looks like they had been tipped off. The campsite was abandoned, probably that Sayid and those other traitors warned them that we would be coming. We haven't seen any sight of them either since the incident earlier..." Jerry responded.

"Okay, Well, Let's take him to his father's house then . . . In the morning we'll have the doctor come and check in on him."

Ben was carefully lifted, by Jerry he guessed, and carried away from the van. He was careful to keep his eyes closed, and he let his head loll, hanging limply. Horace went ahead and knocked on Roger's door repeatedly. Nearly a minute passed before the door opened, roughly by the sound of it. Ben chanced a glance to see his father. He appeared half asleep with his hair sticking up in all directions. "What's the matter? Why the hell are you- Ben?! You found my kid? Why didn't you tell me?" Roger shouted loudly, pushing Horace aside.

"Well, Roger, he was only just-"

"-Is he OK? I mean…is he alive?" Asked Roger in a frenzy.

"Yes. He seems to be-"

"_Seems to be?_ What? You mean you don't know?"

"Well Roger, the Doctor is busy, all of those people injured in the explosion-" Horace was broken off as Roger rushed toward Ben.

"Give me my son!" He ordered roughly to Jerry, grabbing at Ben's form and taking him into his own arms, staggering slightly. "Damn idiots, let him get taken off and now you don't even do anything to help. I guess I have to do everything myself. Why don't you tell that doctor of yours to get over here and check on my son? I'm going to take him to his room where he belongs, and you make sure that doctor gets over here." Roger pushed past the two men, and brought Ben into the house. By the smell of his father, he had consumed large amounts of alcohol in no more than a few hours ago.

After being carried the short distance through the house; Roger laid Ben down surprisingly gently. He pulled the covers over his only son tucking him in carefully.

Ben heard him pull up a chair by the bed and his father sat down, leaning over him to smooth Ben's hair back, which was something that he had not done since he was very small. Ben kept his eyes closed, relaxing as his father continued to stroke his forehead; Wondering, hoping, that things would be different now.

A/N:

Thanks for reviewing!


	6. A New Morning

Ben was encircled by many people. He couldn't see their faces but he could hear them muttering about him, as they stood around him, poking him and examining him. He only wanted them to go away, to leave him alone… A bright, intimidating light shined over him, blinding him, as a shadow of a faceless man bent over him. "Benjamin." The male voice echoed.

Ben felt warmth as he woke up. He opened his eyes and had the familiar surroundings of his own, safe, room, just as he remembered it, the daylight passing through the thin yellow curtains, the warmth of the sun flooding over his face. Had everything that had happened been just a dream?

Ben turned his head looking to his left, to see his father, asleep in his chair, slumped over the bed. His hand still near Ben where he had been stroking his hair. Ben lay there for a while, thinking about all the crazy events that had happened over the last couple of days. It seemed to have lasted for months and months, when in reality it had been only a short time. It was almost like time travel, Ben mused to himself. Like someone had been able to slow time down. For a while, He listened to the birds chirping cheerfully, and the soft sounds of his father's breathing, studying the streams of sunlight as tiny particles swam through it.

Growing tired of lying there, Ben carefully and quietly pulled back the blankets, slipping out of the bed in the most careful manner he could. Sneaking out of his bedroom, with his father unawares. He felt thirsty, and was quite bored of laying around as he had been doing that for what seemed forever. But he was reluctant to face his father, and be questioned by him. What was he to answer? He wished not to admit that his hostile friends had turned on him. His pride would not permit the haughty 'I-told-you-so' look that he would be sure to receive. Ben wished only to forget the events that had happened in the last days… Forget that he wasn't wanted… Forget that Charles Widmore had turned on him…

Ben opened the refrigerator, quickly catching a beer can that nearly fell out as he pulled the door. He placed it back on the crowded shelf, and maneuvered the items around so he could get the milk jug. He poured himself a glass and sat down at the kitchen table drinking it in silence. Listening to the soft ticking of the clock suspended on the wall that read that it was half past ten in the morning.

The soft sunlight streamed through the window, touching him with it's warm rays and Ben was sure that it was peaceful moments like this that truly made life worth living.

"Ben?!" A startled voice came from the other room. "BEN!!" Roger rushed out of the room and into the kitchen, his eyes falling upon his son who sat in the chair drinking a glass of milk. Ben shrunk under his gaze, expecting to get yelled at. Roger's face however, turned to one of relief. "Ben…" He exhaled. "I thought maybe….I thought someone…" His father trailed off, and he stared at him anxiously. Ben was aware of the cold glass of milk in his hand, feeling rather foolish and uncomfortable under the speculative stare of his dad when he was doing something as innocent as enjoying a drink at the kitchen table. The clock ticked on as if orchestrating the awkward moments of silence as the two of them both looked at one another. After a few moments Roger broke the silence and asked, "Are you alright?" Ben hesitated before he nodded in reply. Roger swept his stringy hair back, leaning one arm on the wall, giving a sigh. "Don't ever sneak off like that again-" Ben hunched his shoulders, looking down in submission, as he had expected to get a long lecture, which is precisely why he snuck off in the first place. Roger suddenly became quiet. An odd look coming into his strained features, as he approached Ben. With a moment's hesitancy, Roger grabbed Ben into a half hug, pulling him into his chest as he roughly held onto him with such an intensity that Ben only knew him to have when he was under the alcohol's influence.

"God…I thought you were…" Roger began in a shaky voice, emotion breaking into his usual surly tone. Ben felt surprised, as his father had never shown any sort of emotion toward him except that of loathing or malcontent. This was an unexpected reaction. "Well…" His father said, sniffling. "I'm just…I'm glad you're back." Ben raised his head to look at his father's expression and was even more astounded to find that tears had taken place in his hazel eyes, trickling down his face. He had never seen his father cry before, ever. It was almost frightening, but Ben didn't know why. He himself felt as if he were on the brink of tears just from seeing his father in such a state. "Haha, Look at us." Roger commented, wiping his eyes. "What the hell are we all upset about?" He said with a half-hearted laugh. "You want breakfast?" Roger asked, releasing his son finally. Not waiting for an answer, Roger began to pull out various items out of the refrigerator. Ben watched his father as he busied himself with making them both an omelet, wondering what had caused this sudden change in behavior and whether it would be there to stay.

A/N:

Thank you all very much for the comments! I thank you for reading this story and reminding me to update it (lol!) thank you, thank you, thank you!

I'm afraid poor little Ben's happiness isn't going to last long... As something is always bound to go wrong, especially when emotions are running high... ;)


	7. Reformation

Two peaceful days had passed since Ben had returned back to the barracks. He hadn't ventured outside, as his father had kept him busy, playing games like chess or watching various programs on the television. It had been rare fun-filled days that Ben had only imagined in his wildest day-dreams. He finally felt as if he had a father. A REAL father.

Many things had changed since he had returned, and it wasn't just Roger.

Ben had learned that all of the children and their mothers had been sent to the states for an evacuation, and though Roger wasn't clear on the details, he had told Ben that there had been some sort of explosion down at one of the construction sites. Apparently, some of the workers at the Dharma Initiative had been in on it- Jim Lafluer for one… Ben considered this news. It had come as a surprise to him that the head of security would turn out to be a spy.

Ben remembered clearly the first time he had met Jim Lafluer…

Curious of the new arrivals that had been said to be pirates (according to his school-mates that he over-heard talking) who had crashed on the island. Rumored that Mr. Goodspeed was only allowing to stay because they had been able to fight off ten hostiles at one time. Of course, Ben wasn't so sure the other children were being very truthful or if they even had accurate information on the subject.

Yet, one thing was for sure: With all the excited talk of the new additions amongst his fellow students had made Ben ever more eager to find out more about them.

Ben hid behind a tree and watched as the tall, blond man (Ben had heard was the captain of the ship, Jim Lafluer.) emerged from his assigned yellow house, carrying a folder in his hands. Jim paused, slowing down his trek to the security station as he searched for a paper inside the folder.

Ben took the opportunity; he sprinted from his hiding spot, and caught up to walk beside the stranger. Jim Lafluer ignored him (or didn't notice him) at first. But Ben had learned early that persistence always paid off, and he just continued striding along with the man, until he could no longer be ignored.

Jim stopped, finally aware of Ben, he turned and looked down at him with a frown.

"What do _you_ want?" Jim said. There wasn't an angry tone to his voice… Ben decided that it was more of a tone sounding like it was poised for a pet dog who had put it's paws on their owner's lap.

Ben looked up at him unblinkingly, studying the man trying to intimidate him-- his father had once said that he did that to his 'damn boss' one time and he had gotten the pay raise he had requested-- Ben hadn't forgotten this. After a moment, Ben gave him a small, amused smile, wondering if Jim Lafluer had caught on to his game. "Nothing." Ben replied at last.

Jim stared at him for a moment, then smirked. "What are you following me around for, then?"

"I wasn't following you." Ben said. Jim put his hands on his hips skeptically.

"Oh yeah? What do you call what you were doing?" Jim asked.

"I was walking beside you. If I wanted to follow you, I would have to walk behind you." Ben stated blatantly.

Jim laughed despite himself. "You are one weird kid." He started to walk again, but stopped as Ben began to walk with him.

"What do you want, anyway?" Jim asked.

"Nothing." Ben repeated. "I already told you."

Jim rolled his eyes, "Well, you wouldn't be following me around if it were for 'nothing', Teddy."

"My name's not Teddy, it's Benjamin Linus."

Ben could have sworn that Jim Lafluer had faltered when he had told him his name- though he didn't see a connection before, Ben concluded that perhaps he had been a hostile after all. He supposed that Richard could have told the other hostiles about him and he had known his name because of it. Though, Jim Lafluer hadn't acted very friendly since their first meeting and almost seemed as if he avoided him- maybe that was because Charles Widmore didn't want him.

Ben continued to ponder this, as the clock struck eight thirty.

That's when the pounding on the door began. Ben was sitting on the couch, quite comfortable. Roger had nodded off beside him, not getting a very restful sleep the last few nights. When the knocking started, his father snorted awake, looking around wildly for the source of the racket that had suddenly awakened him. It seemed very ominous for whatever reason, and Ben was dreading what would happen once that door was opened.

The knocking began again.

Ben remained where he was, shrinking in the blanket he was wrapped up in.

Roger pushed himself up, cursing under his breath, storming away from the couch. "Who is it?!" Roger shouted at the door.

"Stuart. Open up this door!" The brash voice on the other side replied. Roger hesitated only for a moment before he pulled open the door roughly. Roger towered over the short, balding man who stood on the doorstep. He glowered at him angrily for waking him up. Though most would shrink under that angry glare, Stuart Radzinsky wasn't a man to be intimidated- as he, himself, could have easily been compared to a mad, irrational, raging bull at the best of times.

"Where is he?" Radzinsky demanded. Ben could see his stout figure beyond his father. It was clear to Ben that he wasn't in a very good mood, and that he might be in a less agreeable mood than his own father. Ben's eyes moved up and they met Radzinsky's.

"There you are!" Radzinsky exclaimed wildly.

Roger was pushed aside by two Dharma Initiative workers that accompanied Stuart, who both came in and seized Ben, one by each arm, pulling him up. "Dad?!" Ben wailed in fright.

Stuart came pushing his way inside, his eyes gleaming madly. "All right, let's go." He said, motioning to the workers. Ben grimaced as they unknowingly jerked him in a way that affected his injured side, pulling him toward the exit.

"Now wait just a minute, what the hell is going on here?" Roger shouted, blocking the doorway.

"What are you doing with my kid?"

Radzinsky moved to the front, looking Roger in the eye… his hands twisting into tight fists by his side.

"Five years." He began in a dangerous tone, "I spent five years of my life designing a station intending to harness the natural electromagnetic energy and progress Science, and it's all down the drain _because of this kid_!" Radzinsky flung a finger at Ben, who was still dangling in the clutches of his captors.

"This…_.kid, _has done irreparable damages to this company- not only by committing arson- but by releasing a dangerous hostile who had managed to gather _important _intel on our top-secret building plans- ALL of which, have now been destroyed- injuring and even killing Dharma Initiative workers; Not to mention, it has lost us millions of dollars on research and equipment, _lost_ us commission and respect from the people _funding _this company!" Radzinsky spit out furiously.

"Do you understand what that means?!" Radzinsky shouted at Ben's father who stood gaping at him, speechlessly. "Since nobody else is going to do a damn thing, I took it upon myself to ensure that something like this never happens again! I had this form signed officially, which means I can take_ Ben_ into custody and try to find a solution to his behavioral problems that you apparently were unable to handle yourself. This kid has already had a citation once before for running off, and now this?"

Before he understood fully what was going on, Ben was being tugged and pulled out of the house, he was silent, though fearful. Roger was still arguing with Radzinsky, as Ben was taken away- he could hear their shouting all the way across the yard.

It was clear that this was beyond anyone's control except for Radzinsky and Ben decided to go quietly and without struggle, hoping that the men wouldn't treat him roughly.

The Barracks was uncharacteristically empty and void of the usual workers and residents as he was led through the maze of houses and to the dock. Ben looked cautiously at the motor boat that was docked. "Get in." The man Ben knew only by sight, muttered on his left. As he clamored in, it rocked unsteadily from his weight. Ben nervously made his way to the center of the boat, as far from the edge as he could get. Ben didn't know how to swim very well and feared being too close to the water.

Ben watched as the two Dharma workers got into the precariously rocking boat and began to whisper to each other, glancing sideways at him. Ben wished they wouldn't, it was making him very nervous- more than he was already. He still had no idea where they were taking him, and couldn't find the courage to ask, even when they started off. He was pretty sure that wherever it was, he was sure that it wasn't going to be good.

---

_A/N: Ugh, this was an incredibly difficult chapter to write. I don't know why, it just was. I hope you all didn't find it too abrupt. As it's kind of a transitional chapter that I tried to make somewhat interesting, so I could get on to my next plot-line. So stay tuned! Thank you very much again for commenting!_


	8. Room 23

The boat was docked, and Ben was pulled up and out of it by the two Dharma men.

They had traveled quite a distance, and had finally arrived at a place that Ben had never been before, nor knew existed. It was another island, located some miles from the shore of the original one he had come from. Ben twisted around curiously to see his island; it was large and stood as if beckoning him or taunting him to try to return through the turbulent waters that separated them from one another.

"Come on." Grunted one of the men as the two Dharma workers tugged Ben along -- one holding each arm -- through a path of jungle trees and wild bushes. Ben looked up at the two men; both had their eyes focused forward on their destination, neither looked at him or each other.

Ben wondered anxiously where they were going to take him and what was going to be done with him once he got there. As the three continued onward, the path began to widen and the trees thinned, until the area began to look clear and a large bluish-grey building was visible, standing tall with balconies on the upper stories. Ben was studying the building that was suspended up high above, and it wasn't until they had begun to pass some cages on the ground level that he looked to see that there were actual, live polar bears inside them.

Ben halted despite his current situation, and stared at the two male white bears that walked in circles in their encampment looking agitated and frustrated. Across from them, were some more bears, in a larger cage, lying listlessly on the ground as if they were bored out of their minds, almost as if they were aware that there was no getting out and they had given up all hope to find a way to escape. It was clear that each cage of bears were treated differently than the other.

Ben wasn't sure which group had it best, as it seemed that neither of them were in the better situation. Ben was momentarily transfixed with the great animals and the contrasting issues they were experiencing, when the two men pulled him, reminding him that he had to keep moving.

The image of the bears was still in his reeling mind, as he was guided into the tall building that Ben could now see bore a Dharma octagon label, engraved in the center of the octagon was a strange mythological creature called a hydra. This building looked like a sort of testing facility as they entered. It was a dark interior, with many hallways of numbered doors. Ben was beginning to feel somewhat disassociated in the whole matter, as if it wasn't really happening to him. He was feeling so overwhelmed with all the different imagery and the insecurity of what would happen to him, that surely it had to be a dream.

The two men brought Ben down one of the corridors of doors and opened one, number 2. It a white room that only had a single white bed (that resembled a gurney) standing in the middle of the room. Ben raised his eyes to see that up above was a window where observers could sit and watch him. He opened his mouth realizing what was to happen next, when the men pushed Ben inside alone without a word, and shut the door, securely locking it from the outside.

Ben suddenly felt fearful at this sudden encampment in this lonely room. He didn't want to be left inside there alone and with no idea how long it would be until someone returned for him. Ben ran to the door and pounded his fists on it crying out for someone to open the door. His wrists grew sore as he hit them repeatedly against the hard surface until finally resigning himself, he gave up. Ben staggered to the bed, and fell into it, sobbing until he fell asleep.

His dreams were troubled. Ben stood on a cliff edge staring out over the water- the other island visible from this view. Swimming across the blue ocean waters were white polar bears, they were escaping their capture. Ben raised his eyes as an eagle soared over his head, missing him by inches and then raising up into the morning sky. Suddenly the sky grew dark, blackness began to engulf the entire island and Ben felt as if he were going to be swallowed up in it. A deep laughter arose as if amused by his sufferings, and Ben moved backward, tripping over his own feet and falling down the hill, rolling and tumbling, until he fell into a pile of leaves.

It was calm again, and Ben felt safety around him. A hand touched his shoulder, and Ben looked up to see the face of the person touching him, but it was too bright….

"Benjamin. Benjamin?" Ben opened his eyes to see a man in a white lab coat was bent over him. He wore large glasses and had a lopsided grin on his face, trying to be friendly, though the kindness didn't really reach his bespectacled eyes.

"Hi there." The man spoke like a small child's television spokesman. Ben stared at him for a moment, feeling apprehensive and unsure. He had no way of knowing how long he had been inside the white room or what time it was, or how long the man had been in there with him. His knuckles were still red from pounding them on the door what seemed like hours and hours ago.

"And how are you doing, Benjamin?" The doctor asked, "Are you doing O.K.?"

Ben nodded in reply, still studying the stranger who proceeded to turn away and begin to busy himself with a table of medical instruments that were on a table that he had brought inside with him. Ben sat upright and glanced at the door; it was closed tightly, and Ben couldn't help but wonder if it was unlocked yet or not. "When am I going home?" Ben asked. The doctor didn't answer him right away, putting a syringe into a bottle of unmarked Dharma medicine.

"When am I going home?" Ben repeated louder, looking warily at the needle as the Doctor drew it out of the bottle, it looked long and sharp, glittering in the bright fluorescent lights.

"Soon." The man replied shortly, setting the bottle down and tapping the needle with his fingernail.

"Why do I have to stay here?" Ben asked.

"You're here to be rehabilitated, Benjamin. Do you know what 'rehabilitated' means?" Ben nodded, he wasn't as ignorant as this doctor was treating him.

"Good. Now, Ben, I'm afraid you're going to have to take this now, this is for your health. It will only be a little needle prick, alright? It won't hurt a bit. Now, hold out your arm…" The doctor moved toward him with the needle. Unwilling to disobey, Ben reluctantly gave the doctor his arm. He didn't make a sound as the needle punctured his skin, though the feeling made his eyes burn, he didn't verbally object. The doctor removed the needle with a smile, patting Ben on the shoulder.

"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Ben didn't reply and the doctor went and set the needle down on the table. "We just want to make you better, Benjamin."

Ben, all at once, began to feel very relaxed, as if his muscles were all numb.

The door to the room opened, and some more men in white lab coats entered the room, picking him up and carrying him to a room with a "23" marked on the door. They brought him inside, and sat him down in a chair, putting his head in a rest, they pulled goggles over his eyes, and hooked up his arms, an IV needle was inserted into his hand gently. It was all very dream-like and the sounds of the men moving about began to become muffled and distorted.

He didn't know when the film had begun, only that it had, and it played in front of his vision, very colorfully and vibrant. Images flashed in front of his eyes of doll faces, Buddhist statues, fish, and different coins. Ben watched, transfixed in this odd vertigo of spinning imagery as he listened to the messages that were being preached.

Time lapsed for what seemed to be forever, and Ben was only aware of the facial mask being pulled off. Ben's eyes fluttered shut from the bright light emanating from the doorway. "He's had enough." A muffled voice said. He was picked up and carried away back to his room and laid down.

Ben lay there in a haze, with his eyes closed. He heard scraping footsteps and a closing door.

With a loud clanging noise, the lights went out and Ben was left in total blackness.

A/N: Thanks to all of you for sticking with the story and reading it, I really appreciate the reviews and feedback! I apologize for taking a while to update- you all keep me motivated to continue writing, so thank you for that!! I began to think about the room that Karl had been placed inside (Room 23) in season three of lost and decided it must be a rehabilitation room, (perhaps designed with hostiles in mind) in hopes to save their mental health with a series of mental drugs, brainwashing videos and positive messages that are supposed to change the way of a person's deranged thinking. And, Who better to place inside one of these rehabilitation room than Ben? Haha, after all, he did say that he hated needles…


	9. We are the causes of our own suffering

The days began to blend together as one. Each day the doctor came to give Ben the shot, from there the whole process would be a blur, and Ben would be roused from his dreamless slumber, only to see the doctor once again. The pattern continued for a while, until one day the doctor didn't come.

It was hours later, and Ben lay in the bed, in total darkness. Awareness brought him to consciousness. He opened his eyes, but he might as well as hadn't. It was as black as if he had his eyes closed still. He could barely see the faint outlines of the room, the bed, and the window suspended above him.

His awareness was foggy. Ben wondered if he was really awake or not, because he seemed to be in a weird sort of dream where nothing was real. He could see lights dancing before his eyes in the darkness and he could hear a voice speaking . . . What was it saying? It was reciting an odd sort of series of inspirational quotes. It seemed as if he had heard those quotes before. But where?

Ben closed his eyes again, sinking back down to the bed, continuing to hear the words like a chant in his own head. "_God loves you as he loved Jacob"… _He wondered when the doctor would come to see him.

"_We are the causes of our own suffering…" _It had been a while since he had been fully conscious like this. "_Everything changes…"_ Ben wished the voice would stop as he sank back into sleep, feeling exhausted.

* * *

The morning was bright and lovely, but it couldn't have looked uglier from the events that were taking place. Ben chose not to go to school that day, he had to say good-bye to Annie for the last time before the submarine would leave to Ann Arbor, Michigan. Ben didn't get the chance to tell Annie that he had seen his mother late yesterday night. He knew that she would understand and that she would've believed him. He wondered what her explanation would have been. Annie was very smart, and she seemed to have an answer for everything that happened.

Ben felt hot tears in his eyes as he watched her walk away from him down the dock and climb onto the docked submarine. She turned and waved at him, the last image he saw of her face was of her sad smile before she disappeared, her head vanishing as she climbed down the ladder into the boat.

Utter disappointment filled him. He felt as if a balloon inside him had just been deflated. Ben wished dearly that he could have gone with her. Why hadn't he asked to go with her when he had the chance? He had been too frightened to say anything, that's why. He was scared to say what he wanted, for he was already sure of what the answer would be. Benjamin had missed his opportunity, and as the submarine began to take off, he deeply regretted not taking a chance because the opportunity would have never risen again.

Ben tried to console himself by telling himself that it wouldn't had worked anyway. His father would have never let him go away, would he? Besides, who would take care of him? What if Annie's folks wouldn't want him with them? Ben dropped his gaze to the floor, his sight of the green grass under his feet was blurred from his tears. What would he do now? The only person he felt could ever understand him was now gone. Annie had been like sunshine on a cloudy day, emerging only for a moment, before disappearing behind the bleak, dark clouds forever.

Ben had nothing left for him here. His father hated him, and now Ben understood why. He thought that Ben had killed his own mother. But how could that be? Ben saw his mother yesterday. She was here, on the island. He knew no one would believe him, they would say it was just his imagination. But Ben knew it wasn't, it had been the second time he had seen her, and if he could just find her, maybe he could find happiness. Ben wiped the hot tears that rolled down his face away with a flick of his hand, feeling annoyed with his lack of control over his life and his circumstances. He hated being a child and everything that came with it. The lack of respect he received from elders, and the compliance that he had to show them even though they thought of him as unwise and ignorant, treating him like he was an invalid, incapable of understanding anything.

Determined, Ben turned on his heel, returning to the house, to steal the new code that his father wrote down every night in a notebook that was on the top shelf of the small bookcase. He would pack his bags with some necessities and leave to find his mother. She would protect him. He just knew it.

* * *

"He's just a kid!" Horace Goodspeed exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the desk. "This isn't right, you can't do this!"

Stuart Radzinsky slumped back in the security chair he was seated in. "Actually, I can. I have permission from the DeGroots, what do you have?"

Horace scowled, "I have humanity, Stuart, humanity! And, What you're doing… it's- it's inhumane! This is a young boy, this isn't a criminal! This is against everything that the Dharma Initiative stands for! This is against everything I believe."

Stuart pushed himself up, turning to face Horace. He was silently intimidating, but Horace stood his ground. "This has happened because you were unable to confront the problems that you could have avoided by just a little strength and resilience. Do you think by ignoring the problem, it's going to solve itself? Nothing in the world is solved by sitting still. It's by taking action, and fighting wars that the world can find peace, that we can settle our positions on earth. It's not resolved by sitting by and allowing someone stronger than us, that are willing to go all the way, to take it for themselves."

Horace lowered his head, shaking it. "You're fighting the wrong war. Benjamin Linus is not the enemy, except of your own creation. We fight each other and we are divided. There may be an enemy, Stuart, but you shouldn't create them within."

Stuart scoffed, "Right. I suppose we should just invite them in, instead… Is that right? We should just stand by and let the hostiles conquer us? Because, guess what? We DO have enemies within us- they have placed enemies here, they could be here right now, they are pretending to be one of us. As far as I'm concerned, the truce is over. The hostiles have broke it, and we need to prepare to be at war."

Horace sighed, "Alright, you have made your point, but Ben is not a hostile. He is a disturbed child, yes. But he is also one of us! You're approaching this situation in the wrong way. Those tests you are placing Ben under… they aren't even proven! This is the psychology of a human, not an ape! He should be rehabilitated, yes. But not with mind drugs and white rooms, but by treating him with kindness, and by showing that he has a purpose and giving him the respect that he in turn can give to others. He's a child, he isn't a lost cause!"

Stuart sneered, "So, you're proposing that we just let him go? That we pat him on the head, tell him that everything is fine, and show him that there aren't any consequences for what he's done?"

"He's been through enough. He nearly died by releasing a hostile, don't you think that is enough consequence for his actions?" Horace asked. "He is a kid, he's-"

"NO!!- THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING TO DO!" Stuart said raising his voice and talking over Horace now. "And if you have a problem with that," Stuart said, his eyes gleaming madly. "You're just going to have to call Ann Arbor." He sniffed sarcastically, "But personally, if I were you… I wouldn't waste my time."

At that moment, two Dharma workers entered the security building where the two men stood talking.

"Radzinsky, Sir." Said the shorter of the men, who had his name labeled as "Jonathan". Jonathan exchanged glances with the other worker who had entered with him, his name read "Louis". The two of them looked frightened to tell the news to Stuart.

"What is it?" Radzinsky spit out huffily, looking impatiently from Jonathan to Louis.

"Well, you ordered us to go scout the hostiles with the information of their where-abouts given to you by LaFluer before he was put on the sub…" Jonathan began when Louis looked down, unwilling to speak.

"Yes, yes. What about it?" Radzinsky asked irritably.

"Well, See… Sir. When we went to the area, the hostiles had already evacuated the camp. They aren't there anymore." Jonathan concluded.

This news wasn't what Radzinsky wanted to hear, and the two Dharma workers edged back as Stuart pounded his fist against the wall angrily. "Where did they go?" Stuart barked out at Jonathan.

Jonathan shook his head with uncertainty. "I don't know sir. They left no trail. There's no sign of them anywhere. Jerry and Mike are still out there looking for the group, but it's like they disappeared out of thin air."

Stuart wrung his hands, thinking for several minutes as he paced back and forth. He then turned his wrath back onto Jonathan and Louis who were standing, rather huddled up together near the exit. "Well?" He said expectantly. "What are you still standing here for? Why don't you go make yourself useful?" Stuart said. "You-" He pointed to Louis. "Go inform the Doctor at the Hydra Station," Stuart looked at Horace pointedly, "-that he can now continue the treatments on Benjamin Linus."

* * *

A/N: Happy New Year to everyone! Thanks for the comments!! I hope you liked this chapter! Stay tuned for more!


	10. Unlucky

As soon as he had appeared, he had vanished.

The hostile that had promised Ben that if he was patient, he'd be able to join his community, but that for now, Ben would have to return home. Ben pondered the exchange that had occurred between them, and wondered if he should have stated things differently. For whatever reason, Ben had felt confident enough to divulge the secret that he had seen his mother in the jungle . . . Somehow he sensed that this hostile would understand . . . That he would believe him when he said that he saw someone that was known to be dead. The hostile had asked odd questions, such as where his mother had died. Perhaps this unspoken trust between them, also encouraged Ben to ask the hostile to take him with him, back to his people. Perhaps it was this unspoken bond of understanding, that Ben knew that he had to do what the hostile had asked him… To be patient.

Ben had turned and began back the way he had come from.

The jungle was oddly silent as Ben made his way back to the barracks. It was bright daylight, and yet no birds sang, and lack of movement in the bushes suggested that there weren't any creatures one might expect in the jungle, like monkeys or snakes coiling in the tree limbs.

Ben stepped over the familiar passage way he had come from, and through the creeper vines that hung, until he came in view of the pylon fence. Taking a deep breath, he began his way back toward the pylons. Ben halted abruptly and his stomach did a somersault as a Dharma security jeep came roaring up angrily, stopping suddenly so that the people inside jerked with the motion of it stopping. The two Dharma workers leapt out of their seats, looking sour, and motioning at Ben. Uh oh. He was in deep trouble now. Ben could recognize them, one was named Paul and he was the head of security, the other one was named Phil.

"Come over here." Shouted Paul.

"RIGHT NOW!" Phil added.

Ben sheepishly obeyed, walking slowly toward them, wishing he could be any place but here.

"This isn't a turtle race, kid!"

Ben hastily approached and he was seized by the closest Dharma security worker, who was Phil as written on the name patch on his jumper breast.

"What are you doing out here?" Phil asked looking at him with his dark eyes that Ben tried to avoid.

"Nothing." Ben said in a small voice.

Phil narrowed his eyes suspiciously, and the other Dharma security worker approached.

"What's your name?" The head of security asked promptly.

"Ben." He replied meekly.

"Ben? Ben, what?"

"Ben Linus." Ben felt as if he was sentencing his own execution by uttering his own name.

"Who's your father?" Paul questioned.

"Roger Linus."

"And what's your house number?" Paul scratched something on his report paper clipped on a clip-board in his hand, writing him up.

"Twenty." Ben responded reluctantly. He knew he was going to be in trouble now. They were surely going to tell his father exactly what he had just done. But how could they have known? Ben looked up and found the source . . . There it was. A security camera. Of course! Ben silently kicked himself for not even thinking that they could be watching him in some mysterious building with televisions that showed the entire perimeter on film. Perhaps he had been more ill-prepared than he thought. Of course, to be fair, he had only made his plans the night before to leave.

Paul muttered something to Phil and he nodded.

"Come on kid." Phil said grabbing his arm. "Let's go. You're going home."

* * *

Ben was awakened in the blackness as the door squeaked open, he felt much more alert than he had and the voices had stopped talking. Ben opened his eyes to turn to the door, when the bright white lights were switched on. It blinded him, and Ben hastily covered his burning eyes from the sudden intrusion of light."Hello Ben. Are you doing O.K?" Ben recognized the voice, it belonged to the doctor. Ben's eyes slowly adjusted and he was able to remove his hand and see the familiar face of the bespectacled doctor with his lop-sided grin. The doctor touched his arm. "Remember me? I'm Dr. Gray."Ben nodded. Yes, he remembered. Ben pulled his bruised arm away from the doctor. He didn't want any more shots. The doctor laughed, sounding warmer than he had on the first day, when his cold eyes were rather vacant.

"Don't you worry now about any needles, I don't have some hidden up my sleeves. I just came to talk to you."

Ben eyed him suspiciously, he didn't seem to have any needles on him, so he supposed he was telling the truth.

"Can you sit up, Ben?" The doctor asked, but it wasn't a question, it was a reluctantly pushed himself up.

The room spun around a few times, and Ben caught himself on the flat bed's side. The doctor's smile flickered somewhat, but he retained his calm exterior.

"I want you to answer these questions honestly, O.K?" The doctor unfolded the chair he had brought inside with him, with a snap.

He took a seat, leaning forward toward Ben. Ben stared at him, examining his face.

"How have you gotten along here, Ben?" Dr. Gray asked.

"Fine." He replied quietly.

"Do you like it on the island?" Dr Gray asked.

"Yes."

"How do you like it at the Dharma initiative?"

Ben was silent for a few moments.

"The truth, Ben." Reminded the Doctor.

"Well... It's alright." Ben answered. The doctor scribbled something on a notepad he retrieved from his front pocket.

"Have you made any friends here?"

"Yes."

"Who are they?"

Silence again.

"Ben?"

Ben swallowed, "I don't have any friends right now."

"But you did? Have you ever liked anyone?"

"Yeah."

"What was their name?"

"Annie."

The interrogation seemed to go on like this for a long while. Ben wasn't quite sure what the doctor was going to do with the information and who he was going to tell it to. Certainly he could get into trouble if he said the wrong answer.

"How is your relationship with your father?"

Ben froze. "It's good."

The doctor began to scribble something again. Ben longed to know what he was writing.

"Has your father ever hit you?"

"No." Ben answered quickly.

The doctor looked at Ben from over his glasses. "He's never hit you?"

Ben knew that he was starting to be suspicious and he didn't want to be caught in a lie. "Well, only-only if I deserved it." Ben diverted his eyes, unsure of why he was justifying his father's actions. He felt as if his father was standing in the room with him, glaring at him from the corner.

Why couldn't he face his fears and admit what was happening? Ben supposed that he just wasn't strong enough yet.

* * *

Roger thanked Phil for returning Ben, and assured him that nothing like that would ever happen again. Ben waited with bated breath, knowing that as soon as that door was closed, he would be getting it.

"He probably wanted to go exploring or something. I don't know, he's kind of a lonely kid, his friend left yesterday and he hasn't gotten along too well with the rest of the kids in his class. Ben is kind of quiet and expects the other kids to pay attention to him I guess." Roger huffed a laugh.

"Well, Paul just wanted me to tell you to make sure that he's not getting the fence codes. We have to keep those damn hostiles at bay." Phil replied.

"Alright I will." Said his dad with a large smile.

"Have a nice day." Phil said.

The door closed with a snap, and Ben's focus went down to the floor.

He could feel his father's eyes on him, he could feel the leather straps of the bags that was slung over his shoulders… the weight of it.

Roger approached him slowly, his fury burning off of him like fire. Ben couldn't remember him ever being so mad at him. This silent anger was louder than anything Roger could have shouted.

"Open up those bags, right now." Roger said sternly.

Ben hastily bent down to his knees, pulling the backpack from his shoulders. He unzipped it with shaking fingers. Roger bent down and seized it roughly, shaking it upside down so that the contents would be revealed. The crackers, cereal, a water bottle, bread, and some powdered milk fell out first, followed by a bowl and spoon, a book, a blanket, and fresh clothes. Roger grabbed the cereal box, shaking it in Ben's face.

"What's this?" Roger said through gritted teeth. "What is this?"

Ben stayed silent, wringing the strap of the bag still around his arm.

"What's in that bag?" Roger asked sharply.

Ben's fingers tightened around the strap, unwilling to give it to him.

"What's in the bag, Ben?" Roger repeated. "Open it up, or I will."

Ben bit his lower lip, hesitating before he moved it off of his arm, placing it on the floor in front of him. He opened up the flap.

Roger moved forward grabbing the bag roughly, turning it upside down, ignoring Ben's protests. Ben's white fluffy bunny fell out with a squeak and froze in fright, relieving itself on the floor.

Roger slowly looked at Ben with narrowed eyes, and Ben shrunk under his gaze.

"Where the hell did you get this?"

"I-I found it." Ben stammered, his throat felt dry and constricted. This was half true after-all . . . It was one of the rabbits bred to be used in a science experiment. Ben had seen the cage left unattended and both him and Annie had decided to rescue the bunny. They had named it Lucky.

"You found it, huh?" Roger grabbed the rabbit by scruff of it's back, shaking it roughly. The rabbit squealed, a horrible gut-wrenching noise escaping it's small body.

"Dad! No!" Ben yelled, jumping up and trying to take the rabbit.

Roger held it up higher, out of his reach. "No, huh? I'm not going to tolerate this Ben! This is the last straw!" The rabbit continued to scream it's awful, death-curdling screeching.

"Shut up you damn rabbit, shut up!" Roger twisted it in an awkward position, the rabbit made a disturbing, strangled noise and then it was quiet and still.

There was a moment as both Ben and Roger seemed to be in shock.

All at once, Ben began to cry, tears falling freely from his eyes, as he took one last look at his limp pet. Grief overwhelmed him and Ben ran to his room, and flung himself inside his closet, just to be alone. He hugged his knees into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. He couldn't hear much movement outside of his room, so he had no idea what his father was doing. Hours had passed and as Ben laid down for bed alone that night, could still hear Lucky's last pitiful cries for mercy.

* * *

A/N: Hey, hope this wasn't too gorey, but I figured I'd explain where Roger got that rabbit foot on his keychain--(yuck!) I saved a rabbit from a cat once, and it was screaming so loudly I could hear it all the way across the yard, I pried the cat's mouth open and the baby bunny fell and it just sat there in shock until I shooed it. Poor thing. Also, Some jerky lifeguard yelled at me and a friend of mine when we were about 9 and 10 to come over to her once, because we were playing in a little sprinkler that apparently was intended for younger kids (but there wasn't even anyone around). We weren't sure if she was yelling at us or not, because we weren't being rough or horse-playing, so we were walking kind of slowly because we were unsure, and she says, "COME ON! THIS ISN'T A TURTLE RACE!" So I thought I'd add that in there for some personal laughs. LOL!! Ugh… being a kid sucks.

Oh, by the way, I plan to incorporate the losties in again in future chapters. Also, Ben is going to get older in the future chapters, but not quite yet. Thanks for the reviews guys, you keep me going! I love the new season of Lost! I can't believe it's back finally after all this time.


	11. Trapped under a microscope

It was another sunny Monday afternoon and Ben was still in the Dharma classroom. Since the incident where he ran away from the barracks, a policy had been put into effect that kids under 12 years old would have to be supervised until their parents got off work. There were only four other kids besides Ben whose parents worked until 5:00.

School had just gotten out fifteen minutes ago at 3:30. That meant that there was still an additional hour and fifteen minutes until they were sighed, his pencil still scribbling on the notebook paper, a picture of the jungle he had been drawing to depict his own adventures as a great explorer. He had drawn several scenes of different various settings where he could escape to in his imagination. These places belonged to him alone.

Ben looked up from his drawing, putting his pencil down and stretching his cramping hand as he looked out the classroom window. The mid-afternoon sun streamed through the windows and made a yellow glow into the room. The other kids were giggling together in a corner away from Ben, playing ball and jax. They seemed so care-free, so uninhibited… Ben felt so much older for some reason, even though he was the youngest in his class.

He just couldn't relate to the jubilance that came to the other children so easily. Since Ben had run away, his father's cold attitude toward him had reached a new level. He just simply ignored him, unless of course, Ben did something that his father didn't like, then he'd get unnecessarily punished for things that weren't really all that bad. Sadness filled Ben, and he felt as if he might break into tears… But he couldn't… not here in the classroom. He mustn't think about it.

Trying to move his thoughts elsewhere, Ben looked over at Olivia, the teacher. She was looking rather anxiously at her watch as if she was waiting for something. Ben glanced back at the other kids who at once broke into loud fits of giggles. Sighing at the noise, Ben turned back to his paper. He had started a picture of a mountain, overlooking the landscape below. He was trying to draw the details as carefully as possible, which is why his hand was so tired.

The classroom door opened, which pulled Ben to the present. A tall, blond woman entered the room, and Olivia leapt up quickly with a smile, going around her desk to the new guest. Ben looked around at the other boys and girls, but they were too immersed in their game to notice that someone had entered the room.

The tall, light haired woman was twisting her hands as she talked to Ms. Olivia. "I'm sorry I'm late." Ben heard her say.

"Oh, no, no, that's fine. I'm just glad you could fill in for me-- I couldn't find anyone who was willing to do this…" Olivia replied. Ben held his breath so he could hear better, they were talking in hushed voices. "-They're really quite good kids. I never have much problem with any of them." Olivia finished.

The other woman asked if there was anything she had to do, and Ms. Olivia handed her a clipboard that was used to sign the kids out when the parent collected them. She explained this procedure, and the blonde woman nodded that she understood.

"Children?" Olivia spoke loudly to get their attention. The kids playing jax had become silent, and Ben was already aptly attentive to hear what came next.

"Unfortunately, I have to leave early today." Their teacher announced.

A whiny girl in pigtails spoke up, "Where are you going Ms. Olivia? Are you leaving?"

Ben glanced back at her, her pale sunburned face looked somehow more red, anxiety entering her face at the prospect of her teacher leaving.

"No, no, Mary, I'll be back tomorrow, don't worry!" She smiled encouragingly, and the girl's furrowed brows of worry somewhat lessoned. Ben turned back to look at the teacher.

"This is Ms. Juliet, and she's going to be watching you for the remainder of this time. So, I want you all to listen and be on your best behavior, Alright?" Olivia said in an upbeat tone.

"Yes, Ms. Olivia." The small class chimed in together.

Olivia grabbed up her bag, "Good bye class, see you tomorrow." She said.

"Goodbye Juliet, thanks. I really appreciate that you're doing this."

Juliet nodded, "It's no problem, really. Goodbye, have a nice time."

Ben watched as the teacher left- he wondered where she was going to have 'a nice time'.

When she was gone, he immediately pretended to go back to his paper drawing, moving his pencil above the paper, but really, he was watching this new woman out of the corner of his eye.

She was biting her lip, looking a little apprehensive, as her eyes wandered over the kids in the corner who were making a rather noisy scene of their game. Her eyes were scanning toward Ben's direction, and he hurriedly buried himself in the paper in front of him, so that she wouldn't know he had been looking at her.

Juliet smiled and began heading toward him.

Ben put his head down further in his paper, hoping she wouldn't notice him.

Juliet knelt down beside the small boy, a grin on her face.

"Hi!" She greeted cheerfully, watching him. Ben looked up shyly, his hand covered his unfinished drawing. "Hello." He replied quietly.

"What are you drawing?" The teacher assistant asked.

Ben didn't particularly want to show her his half-drawn picture, but since she was waiting to see it, he grudgingly removed his hand so she could see.

Juliet looked at it, "Wow!! That's very, very good! How old are you?" she exclaimed with an impressed tone to her voice. Ben's reluctance vanished at her approval of his art, and despite himself, Ben felt glorified at her attention and began to unknowingly ham it up.

"I'm ten. I just had my birthday...on...on December 20th... Two months ago." He explained quickly.

She grinned broadly, "Well, Happy late birthday!! That's quite a talent you have! How long did it take you to draw that?"

"Well, it isn't finished yet...I just started it, about... Thirty minutes ago." Ben replied, double checking on the clock on the wall for the time in which he began.

"You should sign your name on it." Juliet said, "Every artist always signs their pictures." She explained.

"They do?" Ben asked.

"Yes, usually it's in the bottom right corner." Juliet said.

Ben lowered his pencil to the paper, writing his name:

Benjamin Linus.

He looked up to see her staring at his name he had just scribbled. "Like that?" Ben asked.

Juliet visibly swallowed, looking up at him, her smile somewhat diminished. "Yes, just like that." She patted him on the back lightly before standing up and returning to her desk.

- - - - -

The four white walls bored Ben to no end. He had been sitting and staring at the white wall in front of him for what seemed like forever- of course it might as well had been for eternity, as it was timeless inside this room. Ben wondered if this was how fish felt inside a small bowl. Spots of various colors were dancing before his eyes on the walls created as an optical allusion from the bright light above. The buzzing sound from the bright fluorescent lights continued in a monotonous hum and nagging worries of the previous day's talk with the doctor made Ben anxiously wonder what had become of the results.

He had been given an odd sort of test where ink was splattered on a piece of paper. Ben was asked what the pattern most resembled to him. The doctor didn't remark much, as he wrote words on his pad stony-faced and serious. Ben was double thinking all the answers he had given to the doctor and hoping that nothing he said got him into trouble. He felt lonely and wished he could be anywhere beside where he was.

Ben stood up, wandering around the room as he had been doing all day yesterday.

When he tired of pacing, he sat back down. He was tired of the monotony and felt a lingering hunger, and he wished that he could go home.

Ben thought of his home… it was once a place he hated, his father had been neglectful and Ben had been sure that his father loathed him deeply. Ben wanted only to leave. He often dreamed of someone coming to collect him and take him away. But now, even going back to his father sounded like a dream come true compared to this. If only he could go back . . . Ben's eyes closed, and he curled up around himself, falling asleep.

- - - - -

"What did you do?" Richard rarely showed visible signs of anger, but this was one of the rare times that he did, and it was directed at the man who had just come into the camp.

"Only what I felt I had to!" Charles spat back, trying to pass Richard to go to his tent.

Richard pushed him back surprisingly aggressively and Charles didn't take to this kindly.

"Get your hands off of me, Richard!" Charles angrily demanded, pushing Richard off of him. "And get out of my way!"

"No, Not until you talk to me and explain to me what happened!" Richard moved to block his path as Charles tried to walk around him.

"I don't have to explain anything to you, Richard, you're not the leader here, need I remind you!"

This hit a nerve. Richard's voice dropped to a dangerous tone, "Neither are you Charles and need I remind you, that I don't answer to you or anyone else here."

"Well, you will someday."

Eloise came out of her tent, looking harassed as if she had just been woken up. She pushed through the group of people who were watching the conflict and came in-between the two men, forcing them apart. At her appearance, both of the men slackened their aggressive stances, and instead glared angrily at one-another from over her shoulder.

"What is going on here?" Eloise shouted, looking at the two of them. "My god, the two of you… You're always arguing. What in the world is it this time?"

Richard's eyes dropped to the ground, he had no intention of getting into such a heated argument, as usually he prided himself on being cool and collected, but Charles had just gone too far.

After Richard had assured that the rest of the camp had moved safely to the new campsite that was concealed more thoroughly; Richard had gone on horseback to watch what the Dharma Initiative was planning to do--they had been spotted surrounding the area where they had previously been located--in secret.

Richard had rode to the outskirts of the original campsite they had just evacuated, and crept closer on foot to watch as the Dharma Initiative poked around the empty site in dismay at its abandonment. After several minutes, a Dharma man walked into the camp, carrying Ben. He was laying, limp and passed out in his arms.

"What happened to him?" The Dharma scout asked, rushing over to the other man who carried Ben.

"I don't know. I found him out there… He appeared to be wandering around in the jungle. He fell when I drove up. I only just stopped the van in time- I didn't see him until he was right in front of my headlights."

Richard strained his ears, edging forward in his hiding spot to hear more.

"Why does he have bruises all over him?" The first asked, examining the child. "Are those fingerprints on his neck?!"

Richard didn't need to hear anymore. He knew exactly what must have happened, and the rage building inside him, exploded when Charles Widmore finally returned from his exodus, claiming he delivered the boy back to the Dharma Initiative.

"Well?" Eloise demanded, her hands on her hips impatiently.

"He tried to kill Ben." Richard replied quietly, he suddenly wished the people staring would go and mind their own business. "He tried to kill him, I know he did. He all but admitted it."

Eloise looked at Richard, scandalized. She turned around to look at Charles, he bit his cheek, putting up his chin proudly. "I did no such thing." Charles proclaimed.

"Yes, you did! You said that you took him back, but you didn't! I know you didn't because I saw him being brought in by them, he was bruised and passed out, and-and he had fingerprints around his neck!" Richard shouted in a frenzy.

"Why are you so concerned about that brat, Richard? He's a beast! A killer! He was sought out to murder Jacob at _ten years old_, and you want to defend him?! Why Richard, why?"

"Because," Richard said. "He doesn't know what he's destined for, and he deserves a chance." _Just like I did_. Richard turned and walked away.

- - - - -

The hour dragged by slowly, and a few times whenever Ben looked up, he saw Juliet's eyes quickly divert. He wondered why that was. It seemed the woman was watching him very closely while he wasn't looking and he didn't understand the reason for this.

Gradually, as the time went on, the children started filtering out of the classroom, embracing their parent that came to collect them happily, chatting in a joyful tone about the dinner they were going to have or celebrating the hard work that their kid had done in school. Ben watched intently at these scenes of happy families, knowing that this would never occur with his own... His father hated him, Ben was sure of this.

Soon, he was the only one left. At this point, Juliet's head was buried in some papers in front of her. Ben looked around longingly out the window, wishing he could be free.

Ben looked down at the story he had just written, re-reading it:

"_Far into the future, On an alien planet far away there was a boy who lived there. His name was David and he was the only human there was. He was kept captive in a cage at a zoo. The Aliens came to see him and often commented on the fact that he only had two arms! The Aliens had six arms, and five eyes that all eyed him with curiosity at the oddness of him. Of course the cage also gave him oxygen, and he was trapped there because he wouldn't be able to breathe if he left. He was very sad and missed his family a lot. _

_When he would beg them to let him leave, but they didn't understand English. For many weeks, the boy sat in the same blue shirt and jeans everyday. He was very hungry because the Aliens didn't realize that he needed to eat more than just once a day._

_What they fed him, the boy couldn't eat because the food wasn't even food that they were trying to feed him... It was a sort of space bug that looked like a snail. One day, as he sat alone in his cell, a young alien girl came to see him and felt sorry for him, because she could tell that he was very unhappy. _

_The alien girl's father happened to own the zoo. He was always very busy to make sure that no rockets or Astronauts ever found the planet, and he had been the one who had told his alien guards to put the boy in the zoo as a kindness because he was a human kid and had found the planet by mistake while out on a stolen spaceship._

_The daughter came to her father and told him, "He is unhappy. Please, you should let him go!" She said to him. The father was doing something different with each hand he had- he was signing papers and cleaning off his desk at the same time, and was quite distracted. "Who? Who should I let go?" The father asked. "The human boy you have in the zoo, you should release him. He's very sad, I can tell." She replied. The father didn't know, because no one else had told him that the boy was unhappy. No one cared about how the human felt, or maybe they couldn't tell. "Alright. I will let him go." The father announced. _

_The boy was very grateful to the girl, and before he left on the space ship that would take him home, he gave her a penny he had in his pocket, the last possession he had that had reminded him of home."_

Ben sighed, it was no good. He pulled the paper out of his notebook and wrinkled it up tightly into a little ball. Juliet looked up, watching him as he stood up and walked over to the waste basket by her desk. He turned and began back to his seat.

"Um…Ben?" Juliet started. Ben twisted back toward her, surprised she remembered his name. He wondered if he did something wrong. Ben had his hands clamped together in front of himself, looking at her shyly.

"Is your mommy going to pick you up soon?" Juliet inquired. Ben's gut twisted at the thought of his mother. Everything that had happened in the past few months, was because of him wanting her so badly, but it was evident to Ben that she hadn't wanted him, or maybe that she couldn't take him… In fact, if it wasn't for what the hostile had promised him, he wouldn't have had any hope at all; Ben might of just had curled up in bed one night and died. Probably no one would care either.

"Ben?" Juliet looked at him concernedly, he had been staring out into space for several moments too long.

"No." Ben replied softly.

"No?" Juliet blinked. "Well, is your dad coming then?" She asked.

Ben nodded his head, and Juliet's concerned face slackened into a more relaxed facial expression. "Alright then..." She turned around looking at the clock. Ben's eyes followed her gaze. It was forty minutes past the time he was supposed to be picked up.

"Do you think he's coming soon?" Juliet asked, turning back toward him. Ben's focus returned to her face and he shrugged, shaking his head. Juliet sighed.

"Well, What house do you live in?" She asked.

"Number 20." Ben replied.

Juliet stood up, taking his hand. "Come on, let's go there and see if your father is home yet or not."

Ben reluctantly walked with the teacher assistant out of the school room door and through the small village toward his house. Ben looked up at her as she walked, trying to read her expression. Her eyes were straight forward, focused on the path ahead- she seemed to mean pure business.

They arrived at House number 20, and Ben was pulled toward the door with her clamped hand around his wrist. She knocked at the door, and they waited. Nothing. Juliet pushed the doorbell, and they stood again, expectantly.

Inside, Roger Linus was taking another swig from his can of beer. He had gotten off work at about 4:30 and since then he had been drinking. Empty cans of beer littered the table and were falling onto the floor in front of the couch where he took up residence. By the time the doorbell rang, he was wasted.

He staggered to his feet, walking tipsily to the door. "Hold on a minute, hold on!" Roger said loudly in a slurred voice. He pulled open the door, trying to focus on the two people standing on his doorstep. He peered down at the small boy, his double vision finally becoming one. "Ben? What the hell did you do now?"

Ben looked down, feeling his cheeks redden in embarrassment at his father's language, Juliet clenched his hand a little tighter, almost protectively.

"Mr Linus?" Juliet said in a disapproving tone. "This is your son?" She asked.

"Well, yeah, duh!" Roger huffed a sniffing laugh as he leaned forward, grabbing Ben's arm and pulling him toward him, plopping his hand around his son's shoulder squishing Ben into him. The smell of alcohol was strong on his breath. "This is Ben. He's mine." Roger said hazily. "He's my kid."

Ben pried his father's fingers off of himself gently, ducking under his arm to escape from his father's clutches and get away from the humiliation of this woman seeing his dad like this.

"Well, Mr Linus, your son, Ben, has been waiting at school for you to pick him up for almost an hour." Juliet said, crossing her arms reproachfully. Ben chanced a glance up at her face, and her lips were very thin as she looked at his father surprisingly angrily. Ben looked up at his father; his face was in a drunken stupor, not quite registering her discontent with him.

"Why didn't you come and pick him up?" Juliet demanded.

Roger stared at her for a moment, as if he was trying to remember. "Oh…I…Forgot." Roger said finally. Juliet shook her head in utter astonishment at such a neglectful and irresponsible person raising a child, her eyes going up to the sky as if something had just dawned on her.

"Go on, and get inside Ben." Roger slurred out, forcing Ben into the house rather roughly by clumsily pushing him backward by his face. Roger turned back and squinted at Juliet, "What the hell are you still doing here?" He asked. "Get off my goddamn doorstep."

Juliet looked at him in surprise at his rudeness, "You're welcome." She said coldly. She gave Ben a sympathetic look, and turned to leave. That was the last view of her that Ben saw for several months as the door slammed shut.

- - - - -

Ben opened his eyes as the door swung open to his cell. Horace Goodspeed stood in the doorframe.

"Ben?" He said quietly. Ben sat up, feeling a little dazed, blinking and peering at Goodspeed.

Horace smiled and beckoned at him, "Come on, let's go." He said.

Ben hesitated, unsure if he had heard correctly-- was he going to be set free?

"Come on, Ben." Horace repeated.

Ben scrambled up from the flat white bed, walking over to Goodspeed cautiously.

"Am I going home, now?" Ben asked, looking up into the familiar bespectacled eyes.

"Yes, Ben." Horace replied softly. There was an odd sense of sadness about him as he put his arm around Ben's shoulders and led him out of the building and toward the boat that would take him back home.

A/N:

Sorry for taking so long to update!

I was on vacation the past two weeks and it finally gave me the opportunity to finally sit down and write this chapter.

Two new wily Chinese Crested puppies were taking a lot of energy from me (I named them Ben and Miles :D), and LOST season 6 was taking my remaining free time. Ab Aeterno has been my favorite episode thus far this season. I was glad to see the theory I was going off of to write this story was a true one, so I wasn't too far off- go me! Whew! I was trying to keep this story as cannon as possible and a lot of it is guess-work on my part.

LOL, The Alien story I included, I found on my computer a while ago. I don't really remember writing it, but I was making fun of childish writing, so I thought it would be funny to include, being that it sort of went with the theme of Ben's life.

The good news is, I've written the first part of the next chapter, and I'm liking it quite a bit myself so far, so hopefully I can post another update quite soon. The next chapter will begin with Ben being a tad bit older, but don't worry, there will still be flashbacks to his younger age. I'm just moving to another time in Ben's life that will be crucial to his becoming…well…"Ben" as we know him in the future. I'm going to explore some of the other characters in Ben's life, and bring them to a fore-front, since the show doesn't appear that it's going to. Haha, Guess who is going to appear?!

Thanks so much again for your support by reading and reviewing- it really does keep me motivated to continue updating this story.


	12. Doubts

1986 -

"Hold still, Ethan!" Ben hissed at the rambunctious nine year old that crouched beside him.

"Why?" Ethan whispered back. "What are we doing?" He began to get up again from the hiding spot in the bushes near the Barracks.

Ben pulled him down, giving him an annoyed look. "Just be quiet, and be still!"

Ben returned his gaze to the subject he had been watching.

"Why are we watching some girl, anyway?" Ethan inquired after a few moments, he folded his arms impatiently as he watched Ben. Ethan stared at him until he got an answer from the distracted older dharma member.

"Why don't you go play with your _toys_?" Ben asked condescendingly, shooting him a fleeting look.

"I'm too old to play!" Ethan insisted.

"Then go get married!" Ben retorted.

"Ew, yuck!" Ethan said in disgust.

"No, that's what THEY would say." Ben answered childishly.

Ethan stood, looking frustrated that he didn't have a good comeback. He swiftly kicked Ben, and ran away before Ben could take retribution. Ben rubbed his arm where he had taken the blow, and shook his head. That boy certainly thought he had the worst life of anyone who had ever lived.

Ethan claimed that his father, Horace Goodspeed, ignored him and was always too busy to ever give him any notice, barely even looking at him, as if he could care less that he had a son. Ben thought Ethan was lucky. After all, it was when his father didn't ignore him that it was the worst. He would have died to have a nice, respectable father like Horace Goodspeed. At least he wouldn't have the embarrassment of being the son of the angry, drunk janitor.

Ben returned his focus to the girl he had been watching all day since she had arrived on the submarine. He couldn't be certain, but she looked a lot like his old playmate from the first year he had been on the island.

_Annie_.

It had been nearly thirteen years since he had seen her last, but Ben still remembered her like she had only left yesterday. Few people were ever so memorable to him. Perhaps it had been because she was so influential to his life.

She had made his life less miserable. Annie had the ability to read his emotions and she always was able to find the right things to say or do that would cheer him up. In fact, it was right after she had left the island on the submarine that he had decided to leave the Barracks, to run away from his father. Ben realized that his only thread to happiness had sailed away to Ann Arbor with her.

Even though he had kept the carving she had given him on his birthday, it wasn't a replacement for the loss he felt without her company. He wasn't such a naïve child to believe that she would 'always be with him'. It seemed such a wishful hope, and though he knew it would never be true, he had found the sentiment touching.

She had been the only one he had felt at ease with, and truthfully, as pathetic as it may have sounded even to him, She had been the only one true friend he had ever had. Ben felt so disconnected from other people. As if he had lived a hundred more years than any of them, as if he held a guilt that no one else did. Too many secrets that he could never tell anyone, he experienced a discomfort socially whenever he revealed too much of his actual self. Perhaps it was just the fear that if he cared about someone, they would abandon him, just like everyone else had. The pain of this loss would be too much for him. Yet, secretly, he longed for that closeness that others seemed to be able to experience easily, more than anything else in the world.

The girl in the distance who resembled Annie- much older of course- was chatting happily with another girl, waving her hands to emphasize something grand. It had been exactly the motions Ben remembered his childhood playmate having. There was no doubt in his mind that it was her. Ben wanted to go and speak to her, to pick up the old remains of their friendship and start where they had left off… But, reluctance and uncertainty washed through him.

What if she had changed? She might have become just like everyone else. She might not even like him anymore, or think he was weird, as it was evident that everyone else did. A horrible thought came to Ben, what if she had forgotten him? Would she think it odd that he still had the birthday present that promised they'd be together forever?

Ben was then anguished at the thought that maybe she had never liked him in the first place, as he had frequently wondered when he was a child, why she wanted to be friends with him. He had been such a sad, moping kid.

She might have just felt sorry for him and felt responsible to make him happy because he was the new boy with no friends. Now that she was older, she definitely wouldn't want him moping around her-- he'd be like a deterrent for other people who wanted to come up to speak to her.

Defeated in his own scenarios, Ben slowly stood, sneaking away to his old home, number 20.

Annie was speaking to a girl named Louise, who had left the island in 1977 when it was evacuated. After given the OK, her family returned to the island only a few years later. She had been in the same grade as Annie, and one of the more popular girls in the class, many were attracted to her bubbly personality and charm.

Many of the original children hadn't returned to the island, the large class had turned into a small gathering. They were giggling together, underneath a shade tree, catching up on all of the things each other had experienced.

"Not very many returned, I guess they got completely pissed off that they had to get up and leave. The only ones who returned, were like me, because our dad's were contracted here and we couldn't just leave him here!" Louise was saying.

"What about Ben? Is he still here?" Annie asked. She felt somewhat disappointed at the news she was hearing.

"Oh yeah, he's still here. He never left." Louise nodded, her bright blue eyes widening, filling with gossip as she lowered her voice, leaning toward a curious Annie. "He disappeared a week before the incident. Apparently, he released a hostile that the Dharma Initiative had captured, by setting a bus on fire, and then, the hostile shot him!"

Annie gasped, "Are you kidding?"

Louise shook her head excitedly.

"No, He was in critical. There wasn't a real doctor here or anything. Everyone tried to keep it quiet from all the other kids, but you know how that is… Someone always snoops and finds out all about it. Only a day passed before some hostile spies that had incorporated themselves into the Initiative, took him, and he was gone for almost a _month_." Louise smirked, nodding toward the Goodspeed's house.

"When he got back, Ben begged to stay on the island, and Horace let him even though everyone else was against it. Everyone suspects that Ben Linus is a spy for the Hostiles. They already had an infiltration before. Everyone thinks Goodspeed is an idiot for allowing Ben to stay here. It wasn't until Pierre Chang stepped in that everyone was more content. He suggested that Ben wouldn't be allowed to work for any of the stations. He can't become anything more than a Workman. It's kind of a waste, really. I mean, he was probably the smartest one in the class, wasn't he?"

Annie nodded sadly, "Yeah, he was always very smart… Maybe they've made a mistake."

Louise shrugged, "What if they haven't?"

Annie was silent for a few moments. "It just doesn't seem fair."

Ben slipped inside his yellow home, his mind still spinning about the possible failures of meeting his old friend. He had a fear of the unknown, and he had no idea how things would turn out. He should have probably just said hello, and see if she recognized him. Ben was internally kicking himself for his foolishness.

Ben sat down at the table, and removed his glasses. He rubbed his eyes, feeling a headache from wearing them, they seemed to pull his eyes, as if the lenses were too strong for him anymore.

Ben looked at his glasses, thinking it was odd how his eyesight had improved. He had constantly worn glasses as a child, getting a stronger prescription every time he went to the doctor. For whatever odd reason, he found that he hardly needed them anymore. They were more or less used for reading or writing now.

At that moment, the front door unexpectedly swung open. Startled, Ben flinched.

"Hi Ben." His aging father mumbled, glancing up at him as he came into the house. Ben sighed at his jumpiness, turning back to look at his own hands in front of him on the table. Roger flopped a bag onto the front room table with his rabbit-foot keys and shuffled inside. He stopped after a few steps, looking at his moping son.

"What's the matter with you?" Roger asked.

"Nothing, dad." Ben replied morosely.

"Yeah, right." Roger said sarcastically. He walked past Ben into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door and grabbing a can of beer. Roger let the fridge door slam shut on it's own as he clicked open the top of his beverage, turning around as he took a large swig from the can, studying his son for several minutes.

"What happened, Ben?" Roger asked.

"Nothing." Ben replied with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Did a girl turn you down on a date or something?" Roger pressed.

"No, Dad." Ben said in irritation.

"Did she hit you when you tried to kiss her?" Roger said, with a laugh.

Ben refrained from rolling his eyes at his father's obvious amusement at his own sons' misery. "_No_."

"Well, what the hell is it then?" Roger asked, taking another sip from his beer.

"I already told you dad, it's nothing! Please stop asking me." Ben said.

Roger came around the small island counter, and took a seat across from his son at the kitchen table, kicking off his shoes as he talked. "Well, that damn Willie still isn't doing his job. I don't know why they don't fire the lazy bastard-- I always have to do his work for him, and I'm not getting any younger." Roger complained. Ben glanced up at his father as he took a drink from his can. Ben's eyes drifted up to his father's hairline; it had receded quite a bit in the last ten years. Ben hoped this was not what he had to look forward to.

"I should've gotten a promotion by now. I put in for another position, and they recruit some other idiot to do the job. What do you make of that?" Roger sniffed, rubbing his temple.

There was silence again, and Ben went back to studying his fingernails, his mind drifting elsewhere. He was hardly aware of his father staring at him.

"Well? Are you gonna tell me or what?" Roger asked impatiently. Ben looked up at his father, the fear that he had held for his father over most of his childhood had diminished quite drastically. Ben felt liberated, far more independent than he had as a child. He supposed it was because of his inclusion with what the Dharma Initiative called "hostiles". Truthfully, Ben belonged there with those people, and just the thought of having somewhere to escape to one day gave Ben a sort of peace with his current circumstances as a nobody at the Dharma Initiative. His father had behaved much nicer to him after he came back from the Hydra station where they had poked him with needles and tested him to ensure his mental stability.

"Tell you what?" Ben asked vaguely.

"What the hell is bothering you."

Ben sighed, he knew his father wouldn't stop at it. "Annie's back." Ben said. He wished he could sink into a hole, at his father's judgmental gaze.

"Who's Annie?" Roger asked at once.

"An old friend of mine." Ben replied.

Roger smirked, and Ben knew what he was thinking.

"No, it wasn't like that Dad. We were - we were …just friends." Ben stammered blushing. Such matters of relationships between boys and girls had an embarrassing effect on Ben, and his father loved to rub this in.

"Well, She's back… What about it?" Roger said, shaking his head in obvious incomprehension.

Ben stared at his father. . .

He was right, Ben supposed.

What was the big deal that she was back? All the doubts he had earlier seemed in perspective, rather stupid. He could at least say hello to her. What _if _she didn't remember him? Would it matter either way? If she didn't remember him, it wouldn't be like he was losing anything anyway.

"Well." Roger interrupted the silence. "Let me tell you Ben, if this girl, Annie or whatever the hell her name is… If she is something special to you… Just… You need to seize the day… Don't pass up the opportunity, trust me." Roger's face suddenly looked aged and weathered, as if he had lived a hundred years. He rarely gave advice that was of any merit, but once and a while, especially in recent times, he seemed to have turned over a new leaf of wisdom that he had gained through living longer.

Roger took his last swig from his beer, and held the empty can up in front of his eyes, looking at it as if he were weighing his own void of a life. Roger pitied his own weakness, and regretted the decision he made twenty-two years ago to stop living and give-up on happiness. He was a loser and he knew it. Roger hated to think that his actions had caused Ben to be just as much of a loser as he was.

"I know I never really told you this Ben… but… I always wanted the best for you."

Ben blinked, glancing up at his father who was rubbing the back of his neck, looking a uncomfortable at the subject matter all of a sudden. Ben was feeling equally as squeamish at the awkward conversation and rather wished his father hadn't brought up this sensitive topic. Something happened inside of him whenever his father said anything regarding their strained relationship. Like a sleeping lion awakening, overwhelming feelings that Ben had stifled and buried seemed to roar angrily whenever disturbed.

Ben didn't trust himself to speak. It was as if he had swallowed something whole and it was now stuck in his throat. He wasn't sure where these emotions were coming from… If Ben were to guess, he would say it was because of the contempt he often felt directed at him from his father growing up. The hopeless feeling that no matter what Ben did, he would never gain acceptance from his old man.

Over the years, as Ben had grown older, he had managed to convince himself that acceptance from a drunken old janitor was quite unimportant, especially whilst he someday could escape to the group of Jacob's chosens, the 'enlightened' as it were. However, deep down, that pressure to please, the desire to obtain some sort of love from his father was still imminent inside him and had never left Ben, no matter what he chose to believe.

His father seemed comparably as choked up, and dealing with his problems as he always had in the past, Roger got up from the table, stiffly patting Ben on the shoulder and walked out of the room.

A/N:

I know, I know… Sort of a short chapter. But I thought it was a better "stand alone" chapter, in which I would have diminished the feel I was going for by continuing at this moment. I will update again ASAP. Thanks as always for reading and reviewing.


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